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A Single Girl's Quest to Becoming a Mom, Finding Love, and Everything In Between…

Disappointed…But Trying To Remain Hopeful

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I went in for my cycle day 10 ultrasound and blood work this morning.  I was anticipating this day all weekend and went in hoping to see several follicles and a nice thick lining, as well as get a date for my first iui.  I was sadly mistaken…

After getting jabbed in my vein, that was still sore from last week’s blood draw, I sat and waited for the ultrasound tech to call me into the room.  After about 5 minutes I heard her call my name.  I went into the room a little nervous and anxious to hear what she would find.  “Your lining is nice and thick, just what we are looking for.  Now I’m going to check your ovaries, starting with the right one first.”  She fiddled around for a bit and then said “You have one big follicle measuring at 18 mm.  That’s great!”  As soon as she said that I interjected with: “Umm, that’s not so great because my right fallopian tube is blocked so please tell there’s something on the left side.”  She then switched to look at my left ovary and got a little quiet.  After a moment she said: “Well, you have one follicle measuring at 9 mm, and a few others but they are very small.”  My heart sunk as soon as she said that.  This is what we feared and the main reason for going on clomid — to increase my chances of producing multiple follicles and ovulating from my left ovary.  I was hoping for multiple follicles from my left ovary!  Considering most people take their trigger shot when they have a follicle measuring at least 18 mm, what’s going to happen?  If I only ovulate from the right side this month I can’t go through with the iui; it would be a waste considering McSpermie won’t be able to travel through my right tube to meet my egg.  Will the small follicle on the left side have enough time to grow before my body tells my right ovary to ovulate?  All of these thoughts raced through my head within 30 seconds of hearing what the tech said.  The tech could sense my disappointment and just told me to wait for the doctor to call me later today.

As I left the office, all I could think about was: “Why is my body not cooperating with me?”  I’ve been through so many setbacks and delays and here we are with yet another one.  One step forward and two steps back…  I feel like I can’t even file this blog in the trying to conceive category because I’ve yet to actually try.  McSpermie was delivered to my parents’ house this morning (thank you mommy for signing for it) and I probably can’t even use it this month.  Can I at least have a shot at trying to get pregnant?

I called my parents and vented a bit.  After the conversation, I confirmed that I truly have the best parents.  I cannot thank them enough for their support through this and am truly grateful.  I just pray that I can give them a grandchild!

I got to work and tried to concentrate on the many tasks I had to do, but my mind was constantly racing and time was going by so slow.  Nurse R finally called me and told me not to be disappointed, Dr. N wanted me to come back in the morning and take another scan and round of blood work to see if the non-dominant follicle is growing.  So there’s a little glimmer of hope that this cycle is not a bust.  I’m going to focus on that and hope for the best tomorrow…

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3 thoughts on “Disappointed…But Trying To Remain Hopeful

  1. Nooooo! And all this time I’ve been sending good thoughts to your left ovary. With my depressing IUI experience I would wait until the left ovary is producing. It will happen, it just won’t happen when you plan on it happening……that’s what I’ve learned thus far.

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