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A Single Girl's Quest to Becoming a Mom, Finding Love, and Everything In Between…



I started the 4th of July holiday with a date.  I’ve been talking to Jersey Boy for almost a month now.  He’s 34, from New Jersey (as if that wasn’t obvious :)), works for the federal government as a Project Manager, and is kind of funny.  We’ve had several phones conversations and exchanged numerous text messages, but due to conflicting schedules it took us a while to actually meet.  The conversations were all ok so I was kind of looking forward to the date — that is until the night before and the morning of the date.

Jersey Boy and I were originally supposed to meet last Monday evening, but he told me on the Saturday before that he was going to have to work late on Monday and it would probably be best to reschedule.  He suggested meeting on the 4th of July.  I already had plans for the 4th but told him that I could meet him for lunch.  I suggested a general area to meet and time and he said that we would talk further during the week to confirm a time and place.  We spoke briefly on Monday but did not talk about the date.  Wednesday came and I did not hear from him so I sent him a quick text to see if we were still on for the 4th (Thursday).  He texted me back “yes” but nothing further.  I got up Thursday morning and did a few house chores and assumed I would hear from him that morning with a definite time and place.  At 11 am I still didn’t hear from him and I made up my mind that he was cancelling and I was just going to go about my day.  I didn’t feel like texting him again to ask if we were still on and if so where.  In a lot of aspects, I’m still a “traditional” girl, and I feel like a guy should make the effort in planning the first date and appropriately communicating that to the woman.  And just to be safe and to see whether I was overreacting or simply just not understanding male communication, I texted my friend V to get a male’s perspective.  He agreed with me and told me that Jersey Boy should’ve planned the date and better communicated the plans to me.

So just when I was about to head out the door I got a text from Jersey Boy asking me if we were “good for 12?”  I stared at the phone for a bit, and my initial response was to just ignore it.  It was after 11 and he was just asking if we were still meeting in less than an hour?!?!  But then I thought, ok, part of the reason you’re still single is because you cut off guys too quickly; give him a chance.  So I fixed my face, and my attitude, and asked him where did he want to meet.  We decided on a place and I left to meet him even though my excitement had long since diminished.

I arrived first and waited for him at the bar.  When he finally came, any bit of excitement I had quickly left me.  I was hoping to feel this:

4th of July Fireworks in Annapolis, MD

4th of July Fireworks on the Waterfront in Annapolis, MD

He looked fine but I just felt nothing.  A flat line…  I wanted a spark, more excitement.  Something…  But I felt nothing…  And I spent the entire lunch trying to not look at my watch and thinking about my plans for the rest of the day — like lounging by the pool, going to see a parade, going to dinner, and then seeing the above fireworks show.  I faked my way through lunch and managed to give off a few laughs, but honestly I just didn’t want to be there.  I wanted chemistry.  Fireworks!  And there was just none!

As I’ve looked back on the date I have tried to figure out what was wrong.  Was it that there was just no chemistry?  Was the tone of the date already ruined by the lack of communication beforehand?  Or was it just me?  Maybe I’m just not into dating right now.  Yes, I think about having a relationship, but I don’t think I have the energy to put into trying to find and make a relationship work.  The only thing that I have energy for is making this baby.  So I guess it’s not him, it’s me…


4 thoughts on “Fireworks

  1. Being in the same situation you are right now…I seriously feel the same way on every date. I think my head is just somewhere else. I am always much more excited to meet up with the group of hopeful single mom’s than go out with guys at this juncture in my life! ;-/ But I keep trying anyway. Always afraid the next one just might be the “one”. But it never is.

    • I’ve realized that I have so much more fun with my family and friends than going out on a date and I’d just rather spend my time with them. But I keep trying because of the infamous “what if”…

  2. too cute, I come over to comment and I see that my ttc blog buddy is already commented. As i read your entry I just nodded my head the whole time. Of course you shouldn’t have allowed him to set up the date so late minute, but the honest truth is I would have played out the day the same exact way you did. I would have gone, been open minded and thought maybe, just maybe this is the one. I’ve sadly come to the realization that the time spent in getting to know someone, getting ready mentally for a first date and the time of the first date usually is a waste and I could have been doing other things.
    ….this comes from the girl who got asked out on a date a few mere hours after IUI #3, and is overly optimistic that maybe true love that lasts a lifetime could exist.

    • I feel like I need to give it every effort I have so I can say that at least I tried. But the excitement just isn’t there and it’s just like going through the motions…

      Wishing you good news with #3! And who knows, maybe you’ve met the one. 🙂

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