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A Single Girl's Quest to Becoming a Mom, Finding Love, and Everything In Between…

System Overdrive

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In Overdrive...

In Overdrive…

When your doctor calls you at 7:40 in the morning it’s never a good sign…  As I was getting ready for work yesterday morning, Dr. B., my endocrinologist called me.  The day before I had taken my 8 week follow-up blood work to see if the medicine I am taking for my thyroid issue is woking and has decreased my TSH level.  As you may recall, I cannot proceed with the IUI until my TSH level is under 2.5.  (Your body produces TSH to stimulate your thyroid to produce actual thyroid hormone.  A high TSH indicates a low level of thyroid hormone, while a low TSH indicates a high level of thyroid hormone).  Well, Dr. B. informed me he had gotten my test results, and not only is the medicine working, it’s working a little too well.  My TSH levels are now way too low.  My system was now in overdrive and I have so much thyroid hormone circulating in my body that I am barely producing any TSH.  As soon as he told me this, I just sat on my bed in disbelief.

Dr. B. then told me that I couldn’t proceed with the IUI until my TSH level has increased and is stable.  He then said that he was adjusting my prescription and that he wanted me to come back in in 3 months to get re-tested.  Three months?!?!  I must have yelled this question into the phone because he then said, “Ok, you sound a little anxious, so you can get re-tested in 8 weeks.”  Anxious?  He basically just told me that I cannot attempt to get pregnant until at least 3 months from now — that’s if the new dosage is working and my thyroid decides to cooperate.  How about disappointed?  Angry?  Mad?  Sad?  Anything but anxious…

So for the last 2 days I’ve been trying to process this information.  I started questioning whether me being a mom is ever going to happen.  When I think I’m so close to attempting to conceive, I hit yet another roadblock to delay things.  I had previously looked at my ovulation prediction calendar and saw the week in June that I would have the chosen spermies meet my lovely egg.  And now I’m told that I can’t even think about this happening until August or September.  So anxious is not the emotion I would describe that I’m having right now.  I feel more like this:

An Emotional Roller Coaster

An Emotional Roller Coaster

I am trying to look at this in a positive light.  Yes, at least I know that the medicine is working.  I guess it’s better than it not working at all and he would have to increase the dosage.  I can have a little more time to save some money.  I can go to a Reggae Wine Festival that I typically go to over the summer and enjoy the wine.  I can go to an amusement park and get on the rides  — experience a real roller coaster instead of the emotional one I’m on now.  I can go to the beach and wear a bikini.  But no matter how much I try to look at the positives, I’m still disappointed.  None of this outweighs my desire to become pregnant.  But I’m not in control and so  I have to try to keep positive and tell myself that nothing happens before the time is right for it to happen.  I just wish that time was now!!

And totally off topic, but I’d like to take this time to thank my true friends for supporting me though this process.  There’s nothing like being able to talk to a friend who really understands you and supports you without judgment.  And I needed that yesterday!


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