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A Single Girl's Quest to Becoming a Mom, Finding Love, and Everything In Between…

Walk By Faith And Not By Sight


I’m back and this post is long overdue!  I’ve been back from my trip for more than a week now and I already feel like I need another vacation.  Right before I left for my trip I did receive some good news from my endocrinologist.  Dr. B reviewed my thyroid sonogram and said that there weren’t any nodules so I don’t have to have a biopsy.  Now all I have to do is wait another 4 weeks to see if the medicine is working and my levels are under control.

My trip to Puerto Rico was nice.  T and I hadn’t seen each other in more than a year and a half, so it was great to reconnect and hang out with each other.  The 90 degree weather and beach didn’t hurt either.  🙂  We ate, drank, ate some more, and had a whole lot of adventure…  One day, we took a full day tour that started out with hiking the El Yunque Rainforest, then going to a local beach for a couple of hours (the experience at this beach is a post all to itself — in fact T wrote a tripadvisor review on how bad it was), and ended with kayaking at night to a Bioluminescent Bay (“Bio Bay”).

When we were told about the Bio Bay tour, it was explained that we would be taken to this lake that glowed in the dark — hence the need to go see it at night.  We were told that it would be a spectaular view — the lake would be all lit up in this mysterious blue-green color, created by micro-organisms similar to lightening bugs.  We were told it would look like this:

glowing lake

When the bus pulled up to the tour, the sun was setting and I first noticed that we were not at a lake.  Little did we know that we would first have to kayak in the ocean, to get to this mangrove, that would then lead us to the lake.  In case you don’t know what a magrove looks like, here’s a picture:


Since I had never been kayaking before, and T has more muscle strength than me, she sat in the back of the kayak to provide the muscle power and I sat in the front to provide the “sight” and navigation.  The first leg of the trip was pretty cool.  Even though navigating through the mangrove was pretty tricky, we were still filled with excitement anticipating the glowing fish and lumniscent water.  We were in a group with about 20 other kayaks, traveling single file, with two guides (one in the front and one in the back).  We were amped.  But by the time we got to the lake, in the dark, and did not see any part of the lake glowing, the adrenalin wore off.  You see, in order to see anything “glowing” you actually had to agitate the water.  Talk about being deflated…  So after about 5 minutes of moving our paddles around and swirling the water with our hands, we were ready to get back to shore.

But by this time it’s pitch black outside and we have to try to navigate back through the mangrove.  The only speck of “light” we had was these little glow in the dark rings that were attached to each kayak.

glow sticks

To say the trip back was more than chaotic would be an understatement.  The lead guide, who had a flashlight, actually left us!!  All of the kayakers were left by ourselves to try to get back to shore and it was literally like a game of “bumper kayaks” — but no one was laughing.  Kayaks were bumping into each other left and right.  We were getting smacked in the ribs with mangrove branches and kayak paddles.  It was a nightmare!

How did we make it out of there???  By T’s muscle power, me navigating and yelling “left”, “right”, “duck”, “watch out”, and pure faith!!  Even though we were tired, frustrated, and a little scared, we had to keep pushing on and just believe that we were going to make it back to shore.  As soon as we made it out of the mangrove and saw the lights glimmering from the shoreline, it was like there was a collective sigh of relief.  And even though we weren’t finished, we were able to see the finish line.  It was the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel…  And with a few more strokes of the kayak paddles we were safe and sound and back on shore.

This kayaking adventure made me think about my baby journey.  I often feel like I’m traveling in the dark and don’t know where to go.  Constantly questioning my decisions — my turns.  And then when I feel like I’m finally on track, I get smacked in the face with a branch.  And then I’m back to: “Am I going the right way?”  I don’t have any concrete answers.  I only know that my desire to become a mom isn’t happenstance.  It’s been here forever and no matter what I do, I can’t shake it; so I have to have faith that everything that I am doing is right and will lead me to my ultimate goal of becoming a mom.  Even though there are times that it may seem dark, and I can’t see where I’m going, I have to keep moving and not be sidetracked by the occassional slap to the rib.

And sometimes, there are just little signs to let me know that I am navigating on the right path.  While touring Old San Juan one day, we stopped at this little park that was overlooking the ocean.  We took in the scenery and snapped a few pictures.  T then told me to look down and this is what I saw:

baby shoes

A teeny “statue” of a pair of baby shoes in the middle of nowhere!!!  There was no sign or anything near the shoes to tell me about the history or the significance of the shoes.  I just know that they were there for me to see and let me know that I am on the right track.  On this trip that I planned as a last “hoorah” before insemination I get to see what symbolizes my next phase in life.  A little glimmer of light to let me know that I am getting close to shore.  And with that, I will continue to walk by faith and not by sight!  🙂


2 thoughts on “Walk By Faith And Not By Sight

  1. I’m a huge fan, and thrilled to be able to read about every step that brings you closer to being a mom.

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