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A Single Girl's Quest to Becoming a Mom, Finding Love, and Everything In Between…

Am I Really Doing This?

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How did I get here?  I’m an attractive (one day I may get the courage to actually post a picture of myself), smart, funny girl, with a good job, my own house, and a perfect credit score.  Why is it that at the age of 38, I’m not married (and don’t have any prospects) and am childless?  I guess the simple way to sum it up is, as Patti Stanger from the Millionaire Matchmaker would say, my picker is off.  Through my years of dating, I simply wasted too much time on the wrong guys, and perhaps didn’t give the guys with potential enough time.

Now as my biological clock is ticking louder and louder, I’ve come to realize that I can’t wait around until I find Mr. Right to fulfill my dream of becoming a mommy.  From as early as I can remember, that’s all I wanted to do.  My mom still has my drawing from pre-school titled “What I Want to be When I Grow Up.”  My answer: a mommy.  Not a lawyer, which I wound up being, or a doctor, but someone’s parent.  And this desire has never left me.  But I always wanted to do it the “right” way.  You know, falling madly in love with my soul mate, getting married at sunset on the beach, and then 9 months later, giving birth to a precious little one.  Unfortunately, that has not happened yet.

After thinking about this for quite some time, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m ready to start the process.  I think.  I’m laughing as I write this – my feelings change literally every day.  One day I’m Superwoman and am steadfast on doing this solo.  The next day, I’m scared as all get out and angry that I have to even contemplate this.  All this free sperm out there and I have to go buy some from an anonymous donor?  And then I think about the end result – having my baby – and I’m back to being Superwoman.  But I must say that I couldn’t do this without the love and support of my parents, who said they will be there for me all the way, and the encouragement of good friends.  Even though I’m doing this alone, their support makes me feel not so lonely…

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2 thoughts on “Am I Really Doing This?

  1. You’re not alone! I feel like you were describing me right down to the T, including the bit about the perfect credit score. January 21st this year, I decided to look into becoming a solo mom and made my first RE appointment. And today, two months later I had my first IUI. In all honesty I’m terrified! So many what if’s, concerns and worries, but looking at the big picture I know the time was right.

    Somehow this will all work out. I hope for me and for you too!
    Good luck on your way to becoming a mom!

    • Thanks for your note! It is amazing how many emotions we go through. But hearing that these are common emotions certainly makes you feel like you are not alone. I must say, when I read that today you had your first IUI I smiled. Good luck and I pray you have some good news in a couple of weeks. 🙂

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